I had a goood nights sleep, though I had some strange dreams, also I walk up sneezing a couple times! Particularly the fucking rag weed! That shit will be more potent the Covid sneeze wise! Once I had to do a Covid test because of the rag weed one year and it was fucking annoying to say the least! The rag weed is not my fucking friend I have it wear a mask which is very annoying to say the least! Personally I don’t like wearing face underwear but I have to do so for the safety of other people especially if I am going to the recycling centre! That being I fucking hate, hate rag weed! I have had many people say that it was my piercings to blame when it was the fucking rag weed! That being said I don’t care for it! I am currently waiting form the day to start and see what the hell will help today! Though I have my final letter it give out that being said I find that I still blame the full moon for half of this! Personally I don’t like the moon for screwing with my emotions! Why I am so sensitive to the moon: i am spiritually gifted! One thing I must say that have my PTSD nightmares where night really nightmares but visions of things that happened and will happen! That being I found that one of my “PTSD nightmares” was about the orang madon the ghost ship that disappeared at sea after releasing toxic chemicals on the ship make everyone’s screams frozen in time! That being I never hear do the orang madon but I was watching the why file on you tube int heckle fish and the guy! Heckle fish being the smart Alecy good fish! One of my favourite creators on YouTube! They were describing what happened on the ghost ship and I had the overwhelming sense of Deja view! That was when I remember the nightmare a had bout the ship and then it dawned on me…., I am Clairvoyant! Something I tried to tell my mother but this was freaking her out and she was going to have a heart attack from listening to me!
The fact that also so a ghost tpdog from from the forest behind my child hood home, was eerie but I had this sense that I was not hostile like the black shuck though it looked like a black shuck, it new that it was not hostile and I want in the house screaming anyway! When I tried to explain that I saw our family dog inthr woods that night, my mother refused to listen then too! It was rather annoying to hear the words, “stop talking silly!” Though I think those three words are bad swear words for the most part, I would never say that to my offspring unless they were talking about committing a prank! That being said I don’t like the fact that my mother said the repeatedly to me, effectively traumatizing me, thinking I can t trust her. I think she was trying to be a good mother, though I think if she wanted to be a good mother she would have let me talk. Though we have different priorities!
Why do I say that?
I was talking to a friend once and she said that different people have different priorities but that doesn’t make them evil! I was raging against my aunt one day and my friend was saying that she was just different. Though I like say she (my aunt) was a psychopath! That being said I found that she said some rather disturbing things about me that I did not like! I am pretty sure she was a psychopath, for example the homophobe are usually the best lgbt people! So with my reasoning I thought that people calling other good and well meaning people psychologically disturbed are just that themselves! I don’t like my aunt for what she did. She was trying to get me to the breaking point towards the end of the pandemic by just inviting my mother to thanksgiving and not me telling my mother that was dead, you see what I mean. It was more than annoying and I got into a fight with my mother over this shit show!
So I don’t think this as anything to do it’s priorities this was downright ridiculous behaviour and dark triad traits! Though I think me aunt is more of a sociopath. I don’t know for sure as I am not a psychiatrist, I am just a person. That being said I think my aunt as most of the dark traid traits! I almost have none far the dark triad traits, I have a lot of light triad traits and no dark traits! Though I have problems with emotional regulation that being I don’t care for that as it is very important to feel the fucking things.
I would rather feel intense emotions than be a fucking psychopath! It is much easier to feel than not to feel!”
That being said I don’t love having emotions but it is very good to have and know you are not evil! Though I think some people may beg to differ that being said I don’t believe in evil. Just the fact that people are different! The only thing that is evil are germs 🦠! That being said I you ever seen great germ that would help people ….i don’t care to! I think that they are all evil for the most part as I get sick from them every fucking winter! I get sick every winter as it is cold and flu season -I personally don’t like the cold or flu! They are to happy for me and I just want to kill them all! Though this germs might look like a work of art in some cases that is where it ends with me and germs! I love learning about the fucking things but again this will be where it ends for the most part! I don’t care for them.
Oh I con do this all fucking day!
But I don’t like starting with negative emotions! So I will see what the day brings me later and go from there!
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