I just woke up and found that it was a nice quiet day, right now. I am going to the Halloween dance I believe and that should be fun if there is no balloons, I don’t like balloon as they remind me of that shit war zone that I was born in. Enough said! I remember that I went to play with a balloon when I was eight, and it made a popping sound that was out of this world. It instantly reminded me of my origins which was not my best moment. I then ended up on a Greek cruise which was good, it for the fucking balloons and I started to cry uncontrollably! That was one rude reminder I would rather forget. That being said I don’t like balloons as the represent a lot of horrible things. Also I tried to watch the American horror story for the 5th season, I believe and I could not because of the balloons! That is the only thing I dread! I am not worried about my ex boyfriend as I know that he would not bother me. That being said I hope it will be a good time, though for the what ifs that might happens especially the balloons. I fucking hate balloons. I started to write a blog because I was told to for writing endurance!
I am in writing physio if you would! Because I broke my damn phone! I already told you what I did and why. Personally i still find shock sites and the dark web to be more then frustrating, it is frightening in the worst way. That being said I rather stay in my lane! As I don’t like going on those things. Also I woke up with a few cuts on my thumb, I don’t know how that happened but it did! It was quite frustrating to wake up with paper cut like things , what I am doing in my sleep?
Also I am reading the book on adhd, that being said I think told this yesterday, where I got a book on adhd but I started to read this! One thing that attracted me to it was the fact that I was diagnosed with the condition at age 11, that being said I have had a real dislike for homework and would rather do other shit as a kid. It also came with behaviours that I was not proud of just to get out of homework. School was a bitch until I was 11, then it became more so with the bullying. That is also why I did not go to college, for the most part other than the money. I was tired of being bullied and getting into fights, I would rather be a lover and not a fighter.
I don’t believe in violence even if the situation calls for it, I refuse to be violent.
Though i nearly fought someone at a group in September, that I did not expect this topic to come up, and I never went back to that particular group again! I did like it until this political topic came up! That being said I don’t believe in politics it is not my thing. And you can guess why. As I found that the topic is too sensitive for human ears, I have trauma because of that topic and I rather not deal with this subject, when that subject came up my heart rate went critically insane, I thought I was flat lining for the most part….that was how upset I was with that. I believe the term is a trigger, and rightfully so! As I don’t like hearing about this shit because of trauma I went though. Though I find apolitical views are not with privileges it comes with life experiences and I had a lot of experiences that I would like to for get. That being said I get more and more comfortable with the fact that they happened in the first place. I am seem to be at peace with the fact that they happened, but I still get triggered from time to time, especially with dangerous topics.
I never seen such crazy people in my life.
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