Saturday November 8th, 2025 late am!

So I might be able to get some more vinyl though I meant records!   Though I don’t see what I should get though!  I don’t know what is out there for the vinyl that being I hope to find some more gems! Though the recycling centre doesn’t also have punk that being said.   I love to listen to the vinyl instead of Spotify as the sound is richer and you have that crackle sound with it!  Though I have record player!

I had a goood nights sleep, though I had some strange dreams, also I walk up sneezing a couple times!  Particularly the fucking rag weed!  That shit will be more potent the Covid sneeze wise!    Once I had to do a Covid test because of the rag weed one year and it was fucking annoying to say the least!  The rag weed is not my fucking friend I have it wear a mask which is very annoying to say the least!  Personally I don’t like wearing face underwear but I have  to do so for the safety of other people especially if I am going to the recycling centre!  That being I fucking hate, hate rag weed!  I have had many people say that it was my piercings to blame when it was the fucking rag weed!  That being said I don’t care for it!  I am currently waiting form the day to start  and see what the hell will help today!  Though I have my final letter it give out that being said I find that I still blame the full moon for half of this!  Personally I don’t like the moon for screwing with my emotions!  Why I am so sensitive to the moon:  i am spiritually gifted!   One thing I must say that have my PTSD nightmares where night really nightmares but visions of things that happened and will happen!  That being I found that one of my “PTSD nightmares” was about the orang madon the ghost ship that disappeared at sea after releasing toxic chemicals on the ship make everyone’s screams frozen in time!  That being I never hear do the orang madon but I was watching the why file on you tube int heckle fish and the guy!  Heckle fish being the smart Alecy good fish! One of my favourite creators on YouTube!  They were describing what happened on the ghost ship and I had the overwhelming sense of Deja view!  That was when I remember the nightmare a had bout the ship and then it dawned on me…., I am Clairvoyant!  Something I tried to tell my mother but this was freaking her out and she was going to have a heart attack from listening to me!

The fact that  also so a ghost tpdog from from the forest behind my child hood home, was eerie but I had this sense that I was not hostile like the black shuck though it looked like a black shuck, it new that it was not hostile and I want in the house screaming anyway!  When I tried to explain that I saw our family dog inthr woods that night, my mother refused to listen then too!  It was rather annoying to hear the words, “stop talking silly!”  Though I think those three words are bad swear words for the most part, I would never say that to my offspring unless they were talking about committing a prank!  That being said I don’t like the fact that my mother said the repeatedly to me, effectively traumatizing me, thinking I can t trust her.  I think she was trying to be a good mother, though I think if she wanted to be a good mother she would have let me talk.  Though we have different priorities! 

Why do I say that?

I was talking to a friend once and she said that different people have different priorities but that doesn’t make them evil!  I was raging against my aunt one day and my friend was saying that she was just different. Though I like say she (my aunt) was a psychopath!  That being said I found that she said some rather disturbing things about me that I did not like!  I am pretty sure she was a psychopath,  for example the homophobe are usually the best lgbt people!  So with my reasoning I thought that people calling other good and well meaning people psychologically disturbed are just that themselves!    I don’t like my aunt for what she did.  She was trying to get me to the breaking point towards the end of the pandemic by just inviting my mother to thanksgiving and not me telling my mother that  was dead, you see what I mean.  It was more than annoying and I got into a fight with my mother over this shit show!

So I don’t think this as anything to do it’s priorities this was downright ridiculous behaviour and dark triad traits!  Though I think me aunt is more of a sociopath.  I don’t know for sure as I am not a psychiatrist, I am just a person.  That being said I think my aunt as most of the dark traid traits!  I almost have none far the dark triad traits, I have a lot of light triad traits and no dark traits!  Though I have problems with emotional regulation that being I don’t care for that as it is very important to feel the fucking things. 

I would rather feel intense emotions than be a fucking psychopath!  It is much easier to feel than not to feel!”

That being said I don’t love having emotions but it is very good to have and know you are not evil!  Though I think some people may beg to differ that being said I don’t believe in evil.  Just  the fact that people are different!  The only thing that is evil are germs 🦠!  That being said I you ever seen  great germ that would help people ….i don’t care to!  I think that they are all evil for the most part as I get sick from them every fucking winter!  I get sick every winter as it is cold and flu season -I personally don’t like the cold or flu!  They are to happy for me and I just want to kill them all!  Though this germs might look like a work of art in some cases that is where it ends with me and germs!  I love learning about the fucking things but again this will be where it ends for the most part!  I don’t care for them.

Oh I con do this all fucking day!

But I don’t like starting with negative emotions! So I will see what the day brings me later and go from there!

Friday November 7th, 2025 late PM!

This was one of the weirdest thing that happen to me today!  I wanted to play my record play and there was an L.P disk in there, nothing special there.  But when I continued to listen to it I realized this was old punk music from the 70s that being it was the fall who was playing on my record player!  There was no bulbs and there was were other great songs! Though this was only discovered when I started to play it on the app Shazam!   I was dumb founded as I usually find disco, classical and folk for the recycling centre!  But this was a fucking treat!

That being Said I found that this week was hard on me!  So I started to play the record and I was dumbfounded to see that it was punk music playing on the record player!  Though I am very excited about this I would play the darn thing more often it i have this really nice but annoying “roommate!”   Who sleeps in the other room who has super hearing!  That is the only annoying thing about this person!   Though I found that he was there for me when I was going through the bitchy part of the week!  That being said I should listen to the record player more often than not!  I could not believe that I found that this at the recycling centre one day!  Though I might buy more form Amazon!  That would be nice but there are stupid expensive!  Though I need more records I will get one one day!  Though I am looking for journey and Donna summer!  This was a big and wonderful surprise to be had!   The fact of the matter was this was the only exciting thing about the after noon!  As I did not do very much for the afternoon except to pick up people and get some books at the book store! (Little free library) it was interesting to find some books that I wanted to read!but no as interesting as finding this gem of a record! 

Usually I see this in movies, that the kid uncovers something wonderful and falls in love with it! But this was crazy to be honest with you!  The fall was a 70s punk band- this was the same time when the goth world was coming to light!  Goth is an off shot of punk designed to be similar to Count Dracula in some ways but still punky!  The only punk I loved when I was a kid was blink 182, sum42 and other bands like the transplants and good stuff but the i think the bad brain’s as I think there are called!  That being, I have a bunch of garbage bags full of shit to donate so I will be getting more records for the simple fact that I love records more than cd’s that being.  I was dumb enough to get three garbage bags of shit out of my room but I had to nit because I wanted to movie out, the stuff also had to go!  So I was able to find actual treasure like this the fall album!  Also someone oftered to give my book a kidnapped a review, that being said I can twit to see if this will cost me anything if not I will accept! 

Also this after my charger died which was annoying so I have to get another for the  some where!    That being said I found that getting an email about the actual story i am writing is strange but also exciting as well!  That what will this lead to in the future!    I never thought  someone would find my book 

“ I came across Kidnapped and was immediately drawn into the intense, twisted dynamic between Jamie and Cody. You’ve crafted a story that explores obsession, passion, and the dangerous lines between love and control. The tension between fear and attraction keeps readers on edge, making it impossible to put down.”  

That being said I find this strange but interesting that someone would find my book interesting for the most part!   I like the fact that that some people would love to red my shit from now until next week!  Though I thought  the person was a scammer at first!  I will update you on this strangeness later on!

Friday November 7th, 2025 pm!

 

I down loaded the moon calendar, it was wrote Tuesday was a full fucking moon!  That being said I love the moon except for when it is this big and full!     It was annoying to say the least.  

But what can you do!

It was annoying to be right about this!  Like I said yesterday i am a spiritually gifted person and sometimes because of the the moon triggers me!  But what happened was extreme even for my case! But then you have to think about the fact that it was super moon!  Those I haven’t had a problem with since I started therapy and that was a few years ago!  So the moon was starting to drive me insane but with he other day it was criminally insane!  That being said I never want to be that way again!  Though I am moving on from this now that I know that it is the sensitivity with the full moon that triggered this shit show!   Still I am not happy that we have a moon!  Though could you imagine if some of the scientist said was true that we have too of them, that would be terrible!  But I can’t stand when that thing is out!  Literally i was just coming out if the movie theatre yesterday night and saw that obscenity in the sky!  I was so fucking angry!! That being said I am  clairvoyant and an empath, I am also a Polarian star seed!  A polarian stars seed is someone who’s soul comes from another star system!  That being said I have all the traits of a polarian star seed, creative, spiritually gifted, intellectually gifted and even having the polarized thinking -this I was told I had from the get go in life!  That being said I also have a north node in pieces!    Which means, creative and I also have the spiritual and practical knowledge towards life!

That being said I would rather not deal with the full moon at this time, and before fucking Christmas, that is bad bad very bad!

Today I was watching an old favourite, dead like me! This was a show I watched in high school when things went to shit and hell in a hand basket!    That being that time lot of stuff went to hell in a hand basket!  That was what high school was about, so I watched dead like me!  It is a fun show though it has swearing in the show, so does this blog and the life I life!  It was in Tubi and it was a lucky find!  Though I have not seen it in a while it was still good to see the actual show again! I think it has 2 seasons but I could be wrong….  It follows a girl named George lass who died by a flaming toilet seat and she becomes a grim reaper!  That being said, it was like a visit form my old friend, if I had one!   I had a lot of friends before great 8, then things went wrong some how!  That being said most of my friends started to bully me in school during the grade 8 and it was night nice!  I will not name names but it was two girls who started to bully be one of them being my long time friend and another was a down right bully, who wanted me to feel rotten about my self!  Thank god for music being an outlet for me to listen to at the time (my family did not want to hear my sing so I listened to the stuff instead).  But then my brother gave me a guitar on the Christmas of 2020, it was the best damn thing since sliced bread or Chinese stress balls!   That being, the instrument is great for my mental health! 

  I found that this instrument is easier than the ukulele, I am neurospicy so more difficult things come easily for me especially the things I want to do!  Though my mother did not like my singing until toward the end of her life, which was a shame to be fair!  I heard the ukulele was supposed to be easy but I have a hard time with it!  Like a said I am neurospicy, so the more difficult the better usually!  Or at least that is what I find!  For the fact that algebra was easier then my times tabled (I still had math) is an example of this.  My brain loves skills!!! The thrill of skills!!!!

As I see that I am starting to see that song writing is the only easy thing i can do for the fact.  I don’t know why but I started after I went to Ottawa blues fest and then I really got serious after my phone broke  -a mouth later from blues fest!  Which was annoying because I had lot of pictures from blues fest!  I went to see Sean Paul and papa roach! Both very impressive acts and they got me into song writing!  Though I just checked my Spotify for artists page and saw that that my sirenhead album run if you hear it was fair more successful than my self titled album beautifully freaky!  My name on Spotify Is beautifully freaky! There is a story behind this name.  As i stated earlier i was treated pretty bad by the other student in grade before high school.  That being said I was called freak, the “r” slur and spas out!  Though I want to reclaim the word freak tron the NSFW community and from people who use that word to demean others and make it a source of empowerment for the goth, neurospicy and gifted people!  That being said I need to claim this word for the people who need it to be empowering and not demeaning!

I really think that is my goal and purpose in life! To empower my humans from the bullies who are trying to demean and destroy us!  That being said I was in an Asperger’s group on Facebook, though i know the term is now out dated, I think we should not try to destroy other people and their life’s over an iq score being higher than the actual bullies iq!  What makes someone better then the bully is the fact that the “victim” is  more pleasant, friendly and easier to get along with the their tormentor!   That is why I think the fact that bullying needs to fucking stop before it drives other well meaning kids and adults completely insane!  This I will say is  I knew bullying was horrible, but it could be deadly!  That being said I learned that it can also kill someone though “suicide” (more like bullicide) as for a class discussion we talked about the effects of bullying!  Though one kid, a numbskull, started to bring in autopsy videos of kids who have been bullied to death!  One was a young woman with an eating disorder…..that was my crash course in forensics and forensic medicine!  Something I don’t think kids t age 13 need to know even if they have an high iq.  This was downright evil to bring the autopsy videos in the class room!  Which was creep was that they teachers let it happen!  Kind of fucked up!  Also that day which was April fools day learned an wealth of medical terminology which was disturbing though those videos!  I never knew about suicide and anorexia before this!  It was not a pleasant thing to learn about…..but I thank god for that! As I am now stubborn as a mule or two!  I will never die of some thing external i will tell you that!  My central  Asian and Chechen ancestors will be proud that I put up a fight long before the grim reaper comes, effectively delaying him….hopefully!  

I had my first depression when I was 16, and I literally thought that this was going to be the death of me, but I fought and I still fight to be alive to this day!  That being said I still am subject to depression especially during the winter months.  This is called SAD, seasonal affective disorder it can occur in the summer months but it does peek at winter for me!  I don’t know if it s a combination of shitty light sources and shitty weather!  Also there is nothing good to do in the winter but to stargaze!

Is this why I don’t like winter!  Though after a fresh snow fall and during a full moon everything is pretty, but it makes you feel pretty shitty….if you know what I mean.  Right now I am battling SAD and the full moon!  To constants in my fucking life other than pain!  Pain is more of a friend then an enemy at least know to feel it -you’re alive!  It’s better then being dead!

Thursday November 6th 2025 (memory)

 The first time I kicked my father in the hohos (balls) was also a fully bully night to!  That being said he was get irate snd he started to push me for the first and last time!  Let’s say you never touch a woman  that being said it is more danger when the woman was super moon sensitive! I was supposed to do something for my father, did not want to, he got really worked up and he pushed me!  So I kicked him!  It was one of the most shameful displays of human behaviour  other than this November with the beaver moon this week that made me border line abusive.   This on the other hand was a perfectly good reaction from a woman being pushed around physically by a guy even if it was their father!  This being said I had to clarify to my mother that it was in self defence and I had to basically kick my father in the basketballs!  I don’t know very much about make anatomy but I would not bei surprised if they were the size of basketballs that week!  That being said never ever lay a hand on a woman, it will not end well!  That was when I decided to not or try not to react violently -first and last time that is outside of the school yard.    It was more then annoying to see your father in a borderline abusive attack me!  That being when my brother m Bryan also attacked me , I was not putting another human life on the line again….ket me be clear if I hit someone I am strong enough to kill them.  

That being, I just discovered that I was able to pull my bed out nearly across the bed room, it is 400 pounds and I am 122 pounds.  This why I don’t get violent as I also am too damn strong!  Though I am more of a reactive pacifist  because sometime I have to put my foot down, that being said I don’t like getting angry because it will lead to violence!  And that ought to get me in enough shit for a few rebirths!  How do I know, because I was walking down the hall i school and I was told to go to hell, retard by some one as awful as that word!  That was when with a punch I saw him unconscious snd barely breathing!  He was in a coma for 3 weeks!  I got into that much shit for it that I landed my self on the know fly list for a goddamn punch to the face!

So you can see why I hate, hate violence because I was 90 lbs at both this time, and I am 122lbs I down want this kid if power of life and death because the person hurting me is an asshole!  When I was 90lbs I did not know my own strength until it was too late that kid nearly died snd I also was sent it a shit place on earth!  Also life is to short to be pissed of  all your life, it just is worth it!   I know that I use this quote and a lot because from of my favourite movie (American history x).  I just wish they woudl stop being so frustrated as this affects me!  This is my first negative memori that I  out on blog, because I have had really intense emotions during a life time!  I would nit hav it either way!  Because of emotions we are separated from the read of animal kingdom!

Thursday November 6th, 2025 late pm (the moon is a shit disturber)

 I am sorry for not writing as often as I should, though I did  see a great movie!  This is the first movie review I will write about the movies!  That being said I found that tron series great though i started the year of 2011, think that that tron legacy was the first movie in the series….boy was  I wrong about that.  It is the third of the tron series which is very awesome to see the third trip, and what a trip that was.  Not only was this an entertaining movie though, it was very emotional and I found myself tearing up once and a while! I would personally give this five stars as I loved this movie so much…. But that was the afternoon!

This morning I was at my singing group!  That being said I enjoy this too!  When I got back I was told by a friend that I was going to see a movie!  That being said  I was startled at this surprise.  That was the first movie review I would ever give that was actually positive!   I never felt some man emotions on the emotion wheel as I did with that movie…. The movie as you can tell from reading this is actually a great thing that happened.  Though coming out of the theatre was leaving a lot to be desired, on the night of the fourth snd fifth there was this damned beaver moon, a fucking super full moon…..now if you know me, then you will know that I act really out of character during this type of full moon.🌕. And on Tuesday the fourth was an emotional hell!

That was the offending moon, I really acted like a shit that day: threatening to move out snd went as far as to pack up all my stuff and act like a damn fool!  That being said, I wish there was some thing that would war me of this shit show!  The moon is responsible for most of my shitty behaviour and it means nothing to me if the damn thing were to disappear in to space, or get hit by the North Koreans!

• Amplified energy: A supermoon is considered to have a more potent effect than a regular full moon, acting as an emotional "high tide" that brings simmering feelings to the forefront.
• Emotional intensity: People may experience magnified emotions, both positive and negative, feeling either intense joy or overwhelming sadness and anxiety.
• Intuition and insight: The increased energy can sharpen intuition and make it a time to tap into inner wisdom through dreams, meditation, or reflection.
• Focus on release: For many, the supermoon is seen as a time to release emotional clutter, overcommitments, or toxic attachments through rituals or honest conversations!

That being said this is what I had to put up with once every so often!   And here is why!

those who identify as spiritually gifted or highly sensitive may feel more intensely affected by a super full moon

, possibly due to heightened emotional sensitivity, vivid dreams, or a stronger connection to energy shifts. While scientific studies show no direct link between the full moon and changes in human behavior, anecdotal reports suggest this heightened sensitivity is more common for empaths and those with strong spiritual connections

That I am highly sensitive to the fucking full moon as long as it is super moon!   This is not an excuse for the shitty behaviour though the full bully is to partially to blame for this!  Yes the moon is a bully at the best of times!  I personally could do with out!  Full moons are one thing but full super that is downright ignorant on the creator’s part!  Why create some thing as annoying and the though in the worlds most sensitive animal on this plane with this nerd ball floating every once in a while come at you!  Personally I could do with out this fucking moon and the effec tippet has on me.  Should I blame it for the fact that I lost have my stuff packing it up!